Friday, 03 February 2012

  • Ugh.... This past week has been awful :( my grandma passed away on tuesday and we had viewing thurs and funeral friday... Feels like this week would never end. I really thought my friend was going to show up to support me but she didnt and i should have known better. Typical her. Everyone else had someone to lean on and i was the lone ranger.... Luckily Talon is to small to understand what is going on. But it surr was nice having him there to give me cuddles...
    Anyways im exhausted so im going to try and get some rest....

Thursday, 19 January 2012

  • So glad that i finally have an app for this. Now i can vent even if im not on my laptop lol
    Not really been feeling well lately and just want to sleep alot. Maybe its slight depression who knows. But im tired of feeling like the 3rd wheel seems like that is happening more and more lately...
    But whatever. Back to work

Friday, 13 January 2012

  • Well apparently Im a shitty mom so maybe I should just stop freakin trying.... I want to bang my head up against the wall or punch a brick wall.

    Id really like to have a drink BUT noooooo being a surrogate I cant... COME ON MAY!

Thursday, 12 January 2012

  • one of those days

    Well I havent had one of these days in a long time but today really sucked.

    I worked my butt off at work and just wanted to come home and cuddle with my

    little boy BUT he didnt want to come home :( he just wanted to Stay with Whammy :(

    So here I am again sitting at my house alone. And i really hate it. I so hate living in Conway

    I just wish I could be back home with friends close so on nights like this I could at least call someone

    to come over and watch TV with me. But maybe soon I can make that happen... If not then I might be

    committed or something bc I am just about to go CRAZY being stuck here...

    But its nice to have this to vent on bc hell nobody reads this anymore anyways...

    I always try and tell myself that tomorrow will be better but I am getting real tired of lying to myself

    bc ya know what?? Tomorrow is never better. Its just been the same ole crap just a different day.

     

Monday, 09 January 2012

  • Update

    Well I am well into my surrogacy. 22 weeks today. Very excited about being able to help someone start

    a family and this way it helps me support mine.

    Still having a hard time deciding on what I want to do after its over. Do I move back to Oklahoma? Or maybe

    to Ft Smith? Or do I stay here and Conway and be unhappy forever.... Its so hard when your all alone. Seems

    all my friends have faded out and Im not sure whos fault it is?? Am I that hard to be friends with or are more people

    just flakey and undependable?

    But for now I just suck it up and try to put a smile on my face even on the days when Id rather just stay in bed and

    be depressed.... And that seems to be more often than not now a days. I try to blame pregnancy hormones but it was

    going on before all this started 

     

    Well thats enuf for now.

    <3